I still believe



I was raised in a Christian home and we went to church every Sunday and even Sunday evenings and Wednesdays. I went to vacation bible school and church camp in the summers. I always believed in God and I always believed that He sent His son Jesus to die for me. I never questioned if what my parents told me or the Pastor or Sunday School teachers was true. Bible verses seemed to back up the beliefs and I went on. I talked to God a lot as a child and was quite the little prayer warrior. I never questioned God when my prayers weren’t answered. When people got sick or died I just believed it all to be part of the plan.... “God’s will”. I can’t really pinpoint what happened but in my late twenties I started questioning.... EVERYTHING. I was angry. I was furious my life wasn’t the magical fairytale I thought it was going to be and I was tired of bad news and social media seemed to increase the darkness around me. I was starting to dig deeper into the bible for myself and test the prophetic and venture into a world of charisma that I ignored and stayed away from early in life. I was questioning words given from well known pastors and questioning prophetic words coming from the Elijah list and it left me confused and frustrated. All i wanted was truth. What is it really? Truth is fact or belief so what do I believe? What has deceived me? Are we all just wanderers in this life searching for our own truth?

I don’t have answers.

Actually I do.

His name is Jesus.

And YES I STILL BELIEVE.

I have encountered His love that breaks through confusion. I have held onto His word which is alive and powerful.

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When Darin and I started writing ‘Believe’ we were thinking of stories in the Bible. I remember chuckling thinking these stories seem so fictional but I never questioned them as a kid in Sunday School class. These stories reveal God’s heart for the underdogs. He loves victory, breakthrough, love...He IS love! This song is fun and makes me smile when I sing it. It takes me back to that child like faith I had. I feel like I am getting there again. It’s been quite the process but I am getting there. The awe and wonder... the gazing...the being free...the dancing...I am getting there. Sometimes I just sit looking up at the sky and tell God I love Him and a ray of sunlight will kiss my face and I feel Him smiling. Sometimes when I am at the piano I will just start sobbing because I hear Him tell me to sing because He loves to hear my voice. I feel Him when I hug a friend or laugh until I cry. I believe He is so real and I believe the word of God. I am still on a journey of knowing it...knowing Him. I pray often that any lies I believe are exposed that deception is revealed and truth replaces it. If you find yourself in a season of a lot of questions do not allow shame to overtake you. It’s ok. Give yourself grace to grow and surround yourself with people who are real, who won’t bring condemnation, and who will help you in your truth seeking journey. Don’t search out the Bible to justify your lifestyle or beat people over the head with it. Search it out to know the word....JESUS.

I still believe.

(Go check out 'Believe')



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