Be Still and Know.. what does this even mean?

So I follow a page on Instagram that is absolutely heaven to me. Her home is beautiful and white but she laces it with enough pop of color that it is so incredibly inviting. Her Tik Tok content puts her moments pouring her coffee and cooking breakfast with the perfect music to make you want to sit with her. How does she do it? So with everything going on in the world I feel an invitation for rest and she had an incredible video filling her bathtub and I use to take bubble baths all of the time so I decided to take a bath today with a detox mixture since I'm breathing in so many chemicals due to having to stay extra sanitized in these days. I was so excited to do this. I had it already envisioned in my mind how it would look, feel, and smell. I had my music playlist ready, I lit candles which gave it the right ambiance and I was on my way to relaxation or so I thought. I forgot why I don't take many baths in our upstairs bathroom and I was quickly reminded when I went to sit down and had a tight squeeze. Thanks for the reminder mr bathtub that I've put on weight I appreciate that. So now my thoughts are racing and I become incredibly annoyed. When I finally get situated I decide to move the candles because I could just see lighting my hair on fire because well that's my life and how I roll so I picked up the one candle and almost dropped it because it was HOT and it burned my hand. So now my fingers are throbbing. When I take a breath and try to continue to relax and turn my music on I realize the drain isn't keeping the water in and is incredibly loud. When I just deal with it and lay back I can see my reflection in the faucet thingy and at this point I'm done. The mood was ruined and I'm over it. The moment I anticipated to relax and have a billion epiphanies about life didn't go as planned. Infact now I'm even more anxious and now frustrated, annoyed, in pain, and looking for diets yet again.

((((sigh))))

I did however have an epiphany in all of this. I struggle to relax and I have been pretty blind to it. I am naturally laid back and introverted and it's easy for me to sit for hours doing nothing or so I thought. Now that I am thinking about it my mind is constantly going regardless if I'm physically still. Just because I'm sitting still doesn't mean I am fully at rest. As I sit here typing this Jeremy Riddle's song 'Know (Be Still)' is playing how ironic is this or divine rather. So what does Be Still and Know (Psalm 46:10) really mean? I found the passion translation and here is what it says:

10. Surrender your anxiety! Be silent and stop your striving and you will see that I am God. I am the God above all nations, and I will be exalted throughout the whole earth!

11. Here He stands! The Commander! The mighty Lord of Angel Armies is on our side! The God of Jacob fights for us! Pause in His presence.

Whoah! Why couldn't I relax in the bathtub? Answer: My mind was at war. My mind was focused on my weight gain, the pain of the candle burn, and everything else going on in my life. I could not just shut off my brain and sit there and be still. My body was physically still but my mind was not. So how? How do I shut off my mind to my circumstances? Reality is I gained weight and it's annoying and I'm mad at myself but in this moment how do I just let that frustration go?

We can demolish every deceptive fantasy that opposes God and break through every arrogant attitude that is raised up in defiance of the true knowledge of God. We capture, like prisoners of war, every thought and insist that it bow in obedience to the Anointed One.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tpt

OK the thought that I am overweight is a true thought but what is attached to it that is untrue and causing me anxiety and frustration? As I sit with God right now and ask Him that question I immediately get in my spirit that it is attached to the untrue thought that 'I am a failure'. Now, I'm getting somewhere. Do I need to search deeper and forgive someone who has spoken that over me or has constantly made me feel that way? Do I speak that over myself?

Yes.

So how do I work through this? I take the thought captive and I surrender it to God. I say outloud, Lord forgive me for believing the lie that I am a failure and I forgive (fill in the blank) for making me feel like a failure. Forgive me for letting that person have that power. Also forgive me for making choices that are not best for a healthy lifestyle. I also choose to forgive myself. The truth is I am not defined by my failures or successes I am God's masterpiece (Ephesians 2) I was created new in Christ. Today is a new day and I can start by choosing to drink water instead of sugary coffee.

I may need to do this daily for a while until I retrain my brain. My emotions have been controlled by lies for so long that it may not be a sudden thing and that's when we want to give up because it isn't a quick fix. I feel the call though, to go deeper into renewing my mind. I feel a stirring to sing scripture and have worship music playing more and have the audible bible playing in the background at night or something. I can't go back to life as usual I just can't. When I started getting anxiety and panic attacks again I realized I was not ok within that something needed to change. It's time to renew, reset, and heal. Regardless if our circumstances change we can change how we look at them and how we respond.

Be encouraged friends! You may not be able to control what's going on but you can control your thoughts, what you speak, and how you respond. Accept the invitation to renew.

You are worth it and those you love are too!