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I can't go back!

This is my sixth week off of work and I have been living my very best life. Right before I was laid off I honestly was not in a good place mentally, physically, or even spiritually. I was so restless, mentally drained, frustrated, tired, unsatisfied with my life, and the list goes on. I have been seeing a counselor for a few months and even she has noticed a difference in me during this time off. This time has been a gift to me. This time has restored my soul. I have become a better version of myself. I have time to do the things I put off because of the lack of time I had before or the lack of desire even. If the husband and I have a fight I am better mentally to have control in it and not be already so weak and tired that it just escalades into something bigger than it should have been. I am baking goodies for my husband to take to work again and I am cooking better meals. I am singing and writing more than ever before and creating. I wrote a praise chorus the other day out of Psalm 150 that brought me so much joy! I tapped my kitchen island for the beat of the drum and used a Zumba exercise shaker it was just so fun!

I can't go back! I can't go back to life as it was I just can't! As I prepare to go back to my full time job next week I am digging deeper than ever before into what I can do to make changes. How can I make time to keep baking, keep singing, keep creating? This is me. I have found what makes me feel alive. I want to give my husband the best version of me as well as my parents, my friends, my church family. I don't want to show back up to church exhausted like I was before. I would show up Sunday morning to sing on the worship team so drained from the week and so heavy thinking about going into another week. I can't go back to that I just can't. If I carry the power to affect my atmosphere I just refuse to bring it down like I possibly was before.

So what do I do?

I currently don't have answers but I wanted to share this moment incase you too were in a situation similar. You are not alone dear friend. Don't give up! It's not hopeless. This may take much risk. Much going deeper with God. I am choosing to shut off social media this week to rid myself of extra distraction. Do what you have to. Whatever it takes. This may take some fight to not go back to life as normal. We may be tempted to creep back into the comfortable misery.


Step into the new beginning God has had planned for you. Reach out for accountability, for prayer, don't do this alone but if you do find yourself alone just Push! Stay encouraged! Stir yourself up! When you want to give up fight harder but not in your own strength! If all you can pray is "Jesus help me!" just pray it! He hears you and He has not left your side!

We are crossing over into the promised land! I can feel it!

Be encouraged! It's gonna be better than you ever thought possible!

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