I just wanna be lazy
I have good intentions with my health but my follow through needs some serious work. Yesterday, I made myself an immune boosting juice with oranges, carrots, and ginger, posted it on social media (I'm much more active in my stories) and then I did NOTHING.
Ok I did something and although I do believe it's extremely important to have days of rest (God commands it) I know me and this was just laziness. Thursday, I ate a lot of good Thanksgiving food and Friday I sat a lot. It's not good for me because it puts me on a destructive path of struggling to find my motivation again. I honestly just want to continue the cycle of overeating and being lazy. I like to sit especially by the fire next to my doggies snuggling with me however eight plus hours of sitting is not healthy. These next few days are ideal for getting the things done. I made up a to do list that has not one check mark. Again, I think it's important to have a day to just not worry about all the things and take time for yourself doing things you love but this was not that kind of day. This was a day of complete laziness scrolling social media and watching movies. My mind did not rest it was in everyone else's business and today I am feeling it. I am feeling the sadness of loss I see another family dealing with, I feel the frustration of someone's road rage they posted about, I feel fat after seeing gorgeous thin women doing tik tok dances, I feel annoyed because my Christmas decorations aren't up and I see so many beautiful clean organized homes, I see so many family photos and my husband and I don't do Thanksgiving together because.....hunting... are you getting what I am saying? Social media is wonderful but it can be not so wonderful when we are so consumed in it. Today I am shaking off quite a lot of consumption and quite honestly in the past I would have just carried it through the weekend. I would have continued consuming myself and be lazy. NOT TODAY! I do not want to feel like a sloth. I don't want my mind and soul to feel chaotic and my emotions to be everywhere. So where do I start? I reach out asking for prayer from ladies I trust and I set off to start a new day. I started by cleaning our refrigerator. I have a check mark on my to do list but I got distracted. I threw out a lot of old salad dressings and sauces but I found crescent rolls that I felt I needed to use up so what do I do? I search Pinterest and come up with ideas to use these crescent rolls. I had a few sticks of string cheese left in a bag so I found a pizza crescent roll recipe however I decided to kick it up a notch because I had salami so I decided to make stromboli pockets.
These were pretty tasty but let's not stop here I have another tube of rolls let's search pinterest for another recipe. It makes total sense after spending the last few days eating too much to have more food sitting around to eat and let's not forget it's just me this weekend as well. Makes. So. Much. Sense. So, I found a pumpkin twist recipe. This recipe wasn't quite as simple. At this point I was in a hurry and started to rush and not follow directions. When I was making the glaze to go on top of the twists, I kept adding more powdered sugar and then more orange juice until I had enough glaze for an entire cake. The glaze was still too orangey but I dropped the whisk on the floor and mopping the floors was not on my to do list and at this point I'm just irritated. The dogs heard the whisk hit the floor and came running and now I'm chasing Lexi, who took off with said whisk, around the kitchen.
After finally getting the twists in the air fryer I poured myself another cup of coffee, stared at the kichen counters, and stared at my to do list. (((Sigh))))
Cleaning the counters today wasn't on my to do list and I did have intentions to eat clean today too but that went out the window obvi. So now as I drink my black coffee, I can feel my soul starting to darken as my mind becomes a chaotic mess thinking about how my day was supposed to look and how much I was to have accomplished by now to make up for yesterday. Why can't I have my crap together and what am I going to do with the rest of this pumpkin puree? Nope, Bethany don't do it do NOT scroll Pinterest and get yourself into yet another mess have you looked at your to do list with only one ever loving check????????? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
While I have this inner melt down let me show social media these beautiful pumpkin twists that I made. Look world look how amazing and creative I am. Look at how I have my life together and I'm such a great photographer too. I influence well. As I just dip a twist into the too orange glaze can I just have a moment with you? Wait I'm going to try dipping this in my coffee... oh yea... that's much better. Wait, let me microwave my coffee for the fifth time and pick this dog hair out of the too orange glaze and hmmm I wonder what this too orange glaze would be like... ok ok enough!! Truth is I want to lose weight and wear cute clothes again. I want to have a clean/organized home but I work all day, come home and cook and don't feel like spending my weekends cleaning. I want to bake and take cute pictures of the things I bake and not gain weight eating the fun things I bake. I want to be active but have days of rest. I don't want to feel fat and lazy which is honestly how I'm feeling this weekend. I want to just leave this mess and go sit on the couch again. Why? I want I want I want but I don't want to put in the work. When we built our home, I so badly wanted extra space that I never considered the struggle to keep the extra space clean and organized. We planned our payments around our income but I think we had it completely backwards. We work towards promotions that leave us less and less time outside of work. When covid hit and I was furloughed I realized I've missed out on so much. I missed out on time with family. I missed out giving my husband my very best because I was so stressed in a job that just really wasn't for me anymore. I fought to keep creative and to keep fighting for my dreams but I just couldn't keep the vision. I want to get back to what truly matters in life. I've recently been cutting back my hours at work (which I'm so thankful I can do) to allow myself time at home. Time to keep the home clean and work on my side hustles that bring me so much joy. This weekend proved to me that I still have to really guard my time. I have to be really intentional about not allowing myself to fall into the lazy trap. I have to be really careful spending a lot of time on social media because even though it seems mindless my mind is being consumed in way too much. Now that I've spent this time sharing what I shared I have a to do list to accomplish and yes, I will give myself grace if I don't check off all of the boxes today and yes, I will give myself grace for having a lazy day but I will set myself up for a more disciplined lifestyle in the future.
If you are currently on the struggle bus join me in December to finish the year strong! We are in this together let's throw off what slows us down! Please know you will be challenged in this group and you will only get what you put into it. I may even step on your toes but it's to help you move forward, friend.
Let's move forward together.