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It's my choice.

It's been a while. How are you doing? How am I doing? Well, I'm doing ok thanks for asking. What? You weren't asking? Well let me tell you anyway. This year I decided to really try to limit my time on social media. When you need social media to get the word out about your new music it's challenging to try to do that then unattach yourself from all the other noise in your news feed. I'm ok with other opinions it's just the heart behind it that's tough stuff. The Lord has really dealt with me about my own complaining and negative attitude over the years so when all I see is grumbling and complaining and attacking eachother I feel it hard. It affects me. Negativity breeds negativity so how do I navigate through it all? I also work 9 ish hours a day Monday-Thursday and deal with people in person. If I'm constantly drained I can't give them my best and I would rather give those I'm face to face with my best than those I rarely see on social media.

Does any of that make sense or am I just rambling?

Let's talk about the migraine I suddenly got hit with last week. Like BAM it made me nauseous, I couldn't do work on the computer, it was not fun. If you deal with migraines on a regular basis I have way more empathy for you. That is BANANAS! I rarely get headaches let alone migraines so this was concerning and of course you know how your mind starts messing with you with worst case scenarios so that didn't help.

When something hits me suddenly like that I automatically go into spiritual warfare mode and start texting those I trust that will intercede (pray) on my behalf. I believe John 10:10 to be true- the enemy's (Satan) purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy BUT God's purpose is to give us abundant life. The Christian walk is not an easy walk and the world wants to constantly pull us away and as the days are darker and more intense I believe more than ever we need to really meditate on God's word and have it written on our hearts so that we are not deceived.

I will dive more into spiritual warfare at another time and finish my story. So my coworkers, being concerned, took my blood pressure which seemed a bit high and talked it out with my boss in between patients. He graciously said if I needed to go home and rest please do. For a little bit I sat there at my desk and tried to talk myself into pushing through it because that's what I do I suck it up. The more I sat there the more concerned I became because even texting made me sick. I finally chose to go home. I kept asking the Lord what in the world is going on? Finally, that evening around 4 after this thing was not letting up I decided to take over the counter medication. Yes, I am stubborn like that.

For the sake of time I will tell you the next morning I had a telecall with my family doctor and she wasn't concerned and told me to call back if it continues and gets worse. So basically suck it up buttercup. (for the record she did NOT say that). As I started asking questions and had friends give me their stories and what they do and I looked into hormonal things and I asked my mom to remind me about our family health history I realized I really need to get to know my body. As I've been doing research and am becoming fascinated with the science of it I realize our bodies are so uniquely made. I also am wide awake once again to the reality that we are what we eat. I was encouraged to start a food diary and it has been the best thing ever for me. I am realizing the foods that my body just does not like. We are not meant for highly processed fake foods. If I desire to live this abundant life I need to take a hard look at what is bringing me down. If I struggle with depression I can't just look at the circumstances of the world, or my personal relationships, the music I listen to, the books I read, the stress and offenses I take on, but I also need to take a hard look at what I'm consuming. I have started a journey of whole foods and have felt amazing. Yesterday, I gave into a meal at lunch time that I love from a local restaurant but it is carb heavy and has a fried side dish. I felt TERRIBLE the rest of the day. I felt like I ate a brick, my blood pressure went up, I was tired, I became moody, etc. This morning I didn't wake up nearly as excited to start my day. I tried to drink as much water as possible to flush out all the salt I consumed but it's a bit challenging when at work.

So why am I telling you this story? Basically back to the abundant life. I am so over being a lazy Christian. I take so much for granted and can get so consumed on what's happening in the world that I forget the basics. I forget that I am so very blessed. I forget that there is a God that created the entire universe yet wanted to share this universe with ME. With YOU! That my God sent His son to save me from my sins. I feel like I'm going back to the beginning where it all began. I have taken my salvation for granted. There is so much power in the blood of Jesus where he sacrificed everything so that we could not only have eternal life but that we could have His Holy Spirit to help us navigate this life. Leading up to this migraine I had been asking God for help with weightloss. I am only 5 foot tall and five pounds affects me but I currently have 50 extra pounds that is weighing me down. I don't necessarily believe God sent this migraine but I believe Romans 8:28 that He worked it out for my good. That I am awake yet again to the reality that my choices are important for my future self. If I want to continue feeling like crap and risk high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, and worse then keep eating processed foods, fried foods, soda, sugar sugar sugar, then so be it. It's my choice.

It's your choice.

When I feel depressed, moody, and weighed down the last thing I want to do is tell the world about Jesus. I just want to do a lot of attitude eye rolling, go put on my pjs, and hide from the annoying world under my cozy comforter. I don't have the energy to be a good Christian soldier. The good news is I don't have to sit in the shame of my poor choices. I can repent which is just asking God to forgive me for making choices that keep me from the life He purposed for me then I can move forward WITH HIM hand in hand living the abundant life He died to give me because I have Holy Spirit as my guide.