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People sucked even before COVID 19

My husband does the grocery shopping at like 6:00 am Sunday mornings and he LOVES avoiding people and using self checkout. (Read my blog post 'this is us' for an entertaining story on that). He also does it because I buy things not needed, take forever, and did I mention buy things not on the list?

Well, I have extra time these days so I took on the task today with my list in hand, sanitizer ready, and mask on. Let me fill you in that I have not been grocery shopping since the implementing of cones and arrows and washing hands booths. I was a little nervous going on this excursion but I was prayed and worshipped way up so I was going in with boldness and courage. No big deal at first I mean I didn't feel extra germaphobe like so I was good. I noticed the do not enter arrows which were annoying but again no big thing the place didn't appear packed so again I'm good. Then I get the first glare down and I'm like ok game on my peeps! The eyes are the window to the soul did you know that? I'm gonna smize you down and I know you know I am smiling under this piece of fabric I can't breathe in because it's not a real mask with a real breathing thing installed.

Yes I said breathing thing.

Moving on...

Some old couple was lingering at the dairy section so I paused, kept my six foot distance, and was patient because the only agenda I have today is random social media content and cookie baking. Remember I was smizing I should not have looked like a jerk and full of impatience but again the glare down. Do I have something in my teeth? Oh yea.. stupid mask. And before you stop reading this because I am calling the mask stupid and you have a strong opinion about how wonderful these masks are and how they are saving the world...

ok stop reading...

you don't understand my humor..

Again moving on..

At this point I am really not sure how to behave. Do I get weird around everyone that is getting close to me? Do I stop, drop, and roll? Like what? How? Who? Huh? I give myself a pep talk that I can get through this. I am only in the first aisle and we have not been to the store in a month so this is gonna take a while. YES I CAN!!!!!! (Go buy my song) So I am in the sports drink aisle and a couple comes at me with a smirk on their face. Actually the man had the smirk the woman tried to pretend she wasn't walking past me at a NON 6 FOOT DISTANCE! I knew their thoughts... they just committed a crime! THEY ENTERED THE WRONG WAY! Someone should pull them over and give them a ticket because us law abiding citizens think this is so unfair! So I gave the dude the "I know what you just did" look. At this point I'm loosing all hope in humanity and to make my thoughts worse I see a dude...

wait for it..

are you sure you want me to tell you?





The "Merica" redneck part of me wanted to give him a fist pump and the other side of me was like just follow the rules bud would ya you are disrespecting me right now and being very selfish! I'm not even sure how to think anymore. What do I even believe about all of this? So what do I turn to? More humor. I decided to amuse myself. I started to enjoy people jumping out of the way to let me through. I started to make it a fun Nintendo game! Ok yea it wasn't that exiting so let's just fast forward to a cart full of groceries and realizing that I forgot deodorant. Ugh! Do I just forget about it so I can start the process of checking out? No, I can't because these pits can't go without the clinical strength they just can't. Did you know I stopped wearing t-shirts and started wearing sweatshirts more so because of uncontrollable sweating in my teens and not my overweight bat arms? Yup, I was even on prescription deodorant then.

Puberty. (reflecting back give me a moment here)

Ok ok I can do this! I can go to the other side of the store! So I started to travel at a warp speed which is so unlike me but I just want out of there (way more than usual because let's be honest- people- even pre covid). I see the deodorant section and then I look down and see the DO NOT ENTER. They even make it bright red! Nobody is around. What should I do? There is an elderly lady in the aisle I need but can't enter on this side but her back is towards me. I'm going in! Watch me break the law! I pulled my mask tighter and pretended to put my sunglasses on and I went in. I not only went in but I moved my cart around quickly to make it appear like I came in from the correct side. How is that for shady? Well, to my surprise a Walmart employee watched me do the entire thing. (Eyes and ears everywhere) She ga