People sucked even before COVID 19

My husband does the grocery shopping at like 6:00 am Sunday mornings and he LOVES avoiding people and using self checkout. (Read my blog post 'this is us' for an entertaining story on that). He also does it because I buy things not needed, take forever, and did I mention buy things not on the list?

Well, I have extra time these days so I took on the task today with my list in hand, sanitizer ready, and mask on. Let me fill you in that I have not been grocery shopping since the implementing of cones and arrows and washing hands booths. I was a little nervous going on this excursion but I was prayed and worshipped way up so I was going in with boldness and courage. No big deal at first I mean I didn't feel extra germaphobe like so I was good. I noticed the do not enter arrows which were annoying but again no big thing the place didn't appear packed so again I'm good. Then I get the first glare down and I'm like ok game on my peeps! The eyes are the window to the soul did you know that? I'm gonna smize you down and I know you know I am smiling under this piece of fabric I can't breathe in because it's not a real mask with a real breathing thing installed.

Yes I said breathing thing.

Moving on...

Some old couple was lingering at the dairy section so I paused, kept my six foot distance, and was patient because the only agenda I have today is random social media content and cookie baking. Remember I was smizing I should not have looked like a jerk and full of impatience but again the glare down. Do I have something in my teeth? Oh yea.. stupid mask. And before you stop reading this because I am calling the mask stupid and you have a strong opinion about how wonderful these masks are and how they are saving the world...

ok stop reading...

you don't understand my humor..

Again moving on..

At this point I am really not sure how to behave. Do I get weird around everyone that is getting close to me? Do I stop, drop, and roll? Like what? How? Who? Huh? I give myself a pep talk that I can get through this. I am only in the first aisle and we have not been to the store in a month so this is gonna take a while. YES I CAN!!!!!! (Go buy my song) So I am in the sports drink aisle and a couple comes at me with a smirk on their face. Actually the man had the smirk the woman tried to pretend she wasn't walking past me at a NON 6 FOOT DISTANCE! I knew their thoughts... they just committed a crime! THEY ENTERED THE WRONG WAY! Someone should pull them over and give them a ticket because us law abiding citizens think this is so unfair! So I gave the dude the "I know what you just did" look. At this point I'm loosing all hope in humanity and to make my thoughts worse I see a dude...

wait for it..

are you sure you want me to tell you?





The "Merica" redneck part of me wanted to give him a fist pump and the other side of me was like just follow the rules bud would ya you are disrespecting me right now and being very selfish! I'm not even sure how to think anymore. What do I even believe about all of this? So what do I turn to? More humor. I decided to amuse myself. I started to enjoy people jumping out of the way to let me through. I started to make it a fun Nintendo game! Ok yea it wasn't that exiting so let's just fast forward to a cart full of groceries and realizing that I forgot deodorant. Ugh! Do I just forget about it so I can start the process of checking out? No, I can't because these pits can't go without the clinical strength they just can't. Did you know I stopped wearing t-shirts and started wearing sweatshirts more so because of uncontrollable sweating in my teens and not my overweight bat arms? Yup, I was even on prescription deodorant then.

Puberty. (reflecting back give me a moment here)

Ok ok I can do this! I can go to the other side of the store! So I started to travel at a warp speed which is so unlike me but I just want out of there (way more than usual because let's be honest- people- even pre covid). I see the deodorant section and then I look down and see the DO NOT ENTER. They even make it bright red! Nobody is around. What should I do? There is an elderly lady in the aisle I need but can't enter on this side but her back is towards me. I'm going in! Watch me break the law! I pulled my mask tighter and pretended to put my sunglasses on and I went in. I not only went in but I moved my cart around quickly to make it appear like I came in from the correct side. How is that for shady? Well, to my surprise a Walmart employee watched me do the entire thing. (Eyes and ears everywhere) She gave me the glare down of all glare downs and no I absolutely did not cower with my tail between my legs. I pulled my shoulders back and I gave her the smize of a lifetime. Tyra Banks you'd be proud I learned from the best! All those years watching Top Model were not wasted. Just take me to Walmart jail now I can handle it! Oh, you are just gonna walk on by me? Ok WELL I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS SOONER!

So there!

After that I bought bright blue fake nails and a container of blue slime. My extra expenses were $10.00 but when the husband finds out it will be like I spent our life savings. I can handle it I just went down the wrong aisle getting caught with no consequence I can handle anything! Ok maybe I'm getting a bit overly confident because we still have to check out friends and as I'm walking I see the lines forming. I have a cart full and really do not want to try self checkout please don't make me. As I'm standing in line clearly having people around me too close I hear complaining behind me from a walmart guy claiming he would do things differently and better then some redneck guys passed by the lines yelling self checkout is opened people! DO YOU NOT SEE MY FULL CART!?!? Yes, I am yelling in my head at them. So I'm standing there pondering and I decided to just do it. I will go to the self checkout. Well, of course I chose the line that has a clean up happening and a cashier helping a lady who has no clue how to use the credit card machine. Go me. Lucky for them I am a very patient person but nobody knows this because they will not make eye contact and we can't talk easily through these STUPID MASKS!!! So I wait and I smize. The lady thanks me for my patience... THANK YOU! Dear GOD someone noticed me and my amazing patient abilities! Where is my metal I can wear around? (I have come a long way from approval addiction I am still recovering). Nobody is behind me I got this! Wait, ugh a lady pulls in with a cart overflowing with paper towels. This lady is a hoarder I can feel it. It's ok she can just wait patiently like I did and I can give her my metal. Well, she wasn't in the mood to receive a patience metal and the way she stood at her cart told me everything. Pretty certain I heard her sigh behind her stupid mask. I kept smizing and keeping things moving. I was going at a pretty good pace but started sweating so instead of grabbing the clinical strength off the conveyor belt I pulled my mask down to breathe.


Yes, I did and hoarder lady was not enjoying the show. So again I decided to make this a fun game. While humming to myself a fun little made up diddy I decided to put all 12 flavored waters and all 5 gatorades on the conveyor belt one at a time. Then in my head I heard the lady tell me I could scan just one and then enter the quantity but I had my comeback prepared.


So I scan all 17 drinks one at a time laughing along the way but she never said a word. A bit disappointed. BUT THEN


She had the nerve to start putting her paper towels up on what is still MY conveyor belt while I was paying. WHAT????? You are what right now??? You are not six feet away!! I could feel the blood rising as I put my credit card into the chip reader. I was trying to decide whether or not to say anything when the lovely Walmart cashier yells at her! I WAS RESCUED!!! I did not have to stick up for myself! Thank you there are still good people in this world!!! I grabbed my receipt, and took my time finding my hand sanitizer and gave myself a cleaning while hoarder lady backed herself up, and then I gave the Walmart cashier a thumbs up letting her know I appreciate her! When I got everything packed up and was sitting in the car I ordered myself a LARGE iced coffee from Dunkin' and I decided to get my slime out to let myself chill a moment. As I had time to reflect I got to thinking to myself...

Isn't that like God? He loves to rescue.

People were sucky even before Covid 19 but I really think this experience is really exposing our hearts. Did I have a terrible experience? Nope. I just love to be dramatic. I am ready for this to be over just like everyone else but when and if it does will it be normal? Or will we continue to be afraid of each other?

I have no answers but what I do know is I will continue to have humor, search my own heart, and push myself to love others well especially when I don't feel like it. Hoarder lady parked beside me I mean come on that is humorous! Just lighten up and find ways to keep those in your circle encouraged. Keep yourself encouraged. Life is still pretty rad it's all about perspective. Look for the beauty in the mess!

If you see me would ya just smize please!?

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