This Is Us.

I looked up at this sign in our kitchen and I smiled and even chuckled. Today was good day so far. I am awaken to the fact that for so long I have tried to make our marriage into the image I would like it to be instead of embracing what it is flaws and all.


Does that make sense?


I have not allowed my husband to just be him. I have wished for him to be my idea of the perfect spouse. I have hated those quirks that just make him him. I have tried to change him for years without any success.


Does that make any sense?


So let me paint the picture of today for you.


He asked me to skip church to go pick up something at his brother's that he needed for a job (he is part owner of an HVAC business) and told me we could stop for breakfast and appliance shop. (he knows breakfast is my favorite and we have been without a working oven for several months now) I really do not like skipping church however I don't like to be overly religious about it either so I asked if we could stop at Starbucks too.


HE SAID YES!


For most of our marriage he would never let me stop for coffee so this is a win! I am really not sure if it is his impatience (because he is always on a mission) or annoyance that I spend what I spend on fancy lattes.


We were silent for most of the trip but unlike the last trip we took together around Christmastime this silence was not deafening.


Does that make sense?


Yes, I am asking that question a lot I know just please stick with me here. I think if you are married or in a serious committed relationship you understand those moments of silence when it is so loud you can't breathe. It's like you don't even want to be in the same space as one another. This time wasn't like that. We were each just thinking whatever we were thinking separately and just didn't have a lot to say. So we get to Lowes on our hunt for appliances and he as usual walks in front of me despite the fact that it is icy and I could fall however it didn't bother me today. I didn't allow my brain to go through the "why can't I have a husband that opens the door for me and walk beside me holding my hand or putting his hand upon my back?" I didn't mind it at all because this is just us. I walk slow, I like to look at all the things, and he is very get to point A and point B quickly with no stops in between. He is not about wasting time and time for me well, I don't think I want to waste it I just like to experience the moment and I am not in a hurry for really anything. I am certain this drives him nuts about me. Plus can we discuss the fact that my legs are like really short? I mean I just don't walk fast and in order to keep up with him I have to run and I don't run unless I am being chased. Glad I got that off of my chest just now. So speaking of me trying to keep up you should see my man at Walmart. Oh wait I should first tell you about the guy at Cracker Barrell who trusted us to watch his baby.


Eek!


I am pretty certain all babies can sense our fear. No, we do not have kids. Yes, it's by choice that discussion is for another day however we don't have a lot of experience with kids so it's extremely awkward. This couple who sat near us with three kids was riding the struggle bus. Toddler kid had to potty so mom takes him and leaves dad with baby and other toddler kid. So other toddler kid has a complete melt down that mommy left and he goes running after her and dad is like what the crap do I do in this moment...… so what does he do you might ask? He chooses to run after melt down toddler kid and as he is running after him he asks us to watch his baby. I give him the 'ol thumbs up as I'm shoving cheesy hashbrown casserole in my mouth.

Can we talk about how freaking amazing Cracker Barrell hashbrown casserole is?


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Thank you for letting me remember that moment of deliciousness falling upon my tastebuds. Let's forget the fact that it is 7 weight watchers points and I only have 30 to use in a day. Let's not even talk about the luscious sawmill gravy I lathered on my biscuit.


Mmmmmmm.


Ok OK moving on. So we are watching the baby. I felt connected to this couple in this moment as I was watching their baby. Kudos to them to be brave enough to bring them out into the wild. Kudos to dad for trusting us and I don't think their baby even sensed our fear from across the table. Major win for us! I kinda wish we would have exchanged numbers so we could babysit again.


Alright back to our Walmart escapade. Side note: the word escapade makes me think of the Janet Jackson song I was listening to New Years Eve as a kid right before we had our car accident. Excuse me I need to find that song and take a listen....


Yup they sure don't make music like that anymore.

Ok back to Walmart. So, usually the husband goes to Walmart at like 7:00 Sunday mornings while I go to church and he is quite the pro at avoiding people and using the self checkout. I enjoy interaction especially the awkward kind and I would prefer to actually converse with a cashier. We walk in the doors me behind him of course and he grabs the cart and is on his mission while I lag behind and get distracted by all the things. I have to practically run to keep up so I am totally entering this charade as activity points. This man does not waste time at all. The good thing about it is we can't argue much because I am like ten feet behind him but what stops our mission is someone noticing my hair and stopping to talk. HILARIOUS! Mission impossible becomes possible due to my curly mane of hair. I mean yes, I absolutely am having a tremendously great hair day despite the wind thank you very much! These days will not be taken lightly. You should see my husband at the self checkout he is a machine. For anyone who watched us today no, I am not the lazy mean wife making her husband do all the work. I just let him do his thing because my slowness would only hinder his mission. I did however put some things on the conveyer belt. You are so welcome. Other than that nothing too exciting happened. The Starbucks stop wasn't hateful. The drive thru lane was like a mile long and he had a hissy fit and muttered some things about us crazy coffee people so he parked and I went inside. I almost got run over by a crazy coffee person on my way out almost slipping on ice but that's minor and a typical event for myself.


So this is us. I am learning to be ok with it. I am learning to not wish it was different and to just embrace it. Infact when I get the husband to read this before I post it I intend to apologize to him for not letting him just be him. From here on out I choose to embrace those things that have tripped me up all of these years. If there is anything we can improve upon let's improve but let's also just allow eachother to be our unique amazing selves.


Mmmm just started thinking about the cheesy hasbrown heaven again.


yup.


This.Is.Us.


Our life. Our Story. Our Home..


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